Dream Log 20100916

I'm pretty sure this is one of the most epic dreams I've ever had.

So, to begin, you need to understand the unique medium in which this dream was set. It was framed as if I was watching a TV show that I'd recorded on my DVR.

It began with Heather Morris, actress on the Fox show Glee, and the stars of Blue Collar Comedy, walking through the parking lot of a Wal-Mart. They're all participants on a reality TV show. Despite this, on screen, are credits for the cast of Glee.

Now, apparently in the previous episode, the participants had their hair soaked in country-style gravy and molded into the shape of the continental United States. After this, they were instructed to attempt to pick up a potential romantic partner. Don't think too hard about this. Well, actually, do for one more second. Heather Morris would obviously win. The woman is gorgeous, country gravy-molded hair or not. In fact, Miss Morris points this fact out to her fellow participants. She is angry with them for sabotaging the game by throwing her into the vat of country gravy, which apparently pushed off the competition to this week.

It should also be pointed out that of the other four contestant, one of them was Bill Engvall, and the other wasn't a Blue Collar Comedian. He was a biker with long, platinum blond hair who was on some American Chopper-type show. Yes, in my dream, was a pseudo-celebrity whose name I don't know on an imaginary show that I don't watch, inside the dream world.

Now, remember how this dream was a show recorded on my DVR? I fast-forwarded a little bit. Badly. I overshot the point I wanted to get to, and tried to rewind back, but finally gave up.

By this point in the show, Heather Morris is being fitted for some sort of costume which involves covering her body in plastic armor under her clothes. She complains because as a rail-thin woman, it's more obvious she's packing padding than her bulky co-participants.

Next, Bill Engvall is talking with Lea Michele, the female lead of Glee, about Heather Morris, who he is apparently interested in. Engvall's reluctance is due to "Saddlewood."

I don't know what Saddlewood is, even inside the dream, and I have to figure out what it means from context. Yes, my brain invented a term that I was not supposed to understand. Also, Morris is 23 and Engvall is 53, and these ages are consistent in this dream.

Saddlewood apparently is a prison term, referring to the rule that a new prisoner's bunkmate has first rights to become their dominant albeit consensual, exclusive sexual partner. Engvall is under the impression that Naya Rivera has Saddlewood rights over Heather.

Naya Rivera is another actress on Glee, who plays Santana, the best friend and occasional lover of Brittany, Morris's character. In real life, the actresses are close friends.

Michele confirms that Rivera would have Saddlewood rights to Morris, but she has waived them, meaning Morris is available. They have this entire conversation within five feet of both Rivera and Morris. Literally, they're two steps behind Michele and Engvall, in sight and in earshot, listening to the conversation. Heather has an expression of dull shock; Rivera is glowering.

This plot point is dropped when Nathan Ford comes on screen. Nathan Ford is a character played by Timothy Hutton on the TNT show Leverage, about a group of thieves who act as modern day Robin Hoods. He tries to collect them for their next con. I want to emphasize the fact that a fictional character has now crossed over with a group of real-life actors.

Now, his presence isn't completely random. Bill Engvall played an antagonist on an episode of Leverage. And Heather Morris does show a certain resemblance to Beth Riesgraf, an actress on the show. But it's never explained why Nate believes the eighteen people who would be present at this point are his four-man crew.

Then I woke up, wondering what I ate before bed so that I could eat it again.

Dream Log 20100322

In this dream, I’ve convinced myself that it’s not a dream because I remember doing this very same thing before.

Anyway, it starts out with me using the secret passage in my parents’ house study. There’s not really a secret passage, but in my dream I’ve convinced myself that there is and I didn’t dream it up.

It’s accessed by sliding over my dad’s desk, which in reality weighs a ton, because it’s a solid wood manager’s desk that he was gifted by his former employers. In the dream, there’s a noticeable seam in the carpet where a trap door lay.

Underneath the trap door is a room. In reality, there is space underneath the house for such a room, but there’s not really one. The first thing you see is a bathroom. Since there’s not enough room underneath the house, it’s kind of a half-height bathroom. It was put there by the construction crew. This of course makes little sense as contractors have portapotties, and if there were to build a bathroom underneath the house, they certainly wouldn’t do so with five-foot ceiling and wouldn’t put a full bathroom set in. Or leave it there.

Opposite the illogical bathroom is a set of two bedrooms. Not real bedrooms, but RV-style bedrooms that are really small and basically just a Pullman bed.

Anyway, there’s a couch between the two bedrooms, and when you pull the back forward, there’s a short tunnel leading to…

The Sleep Nymph Zone

The sleep nymph zone is a large empty area underneath the house. In the middle is a giant canopy bed. Or rather, a canopy bed surrounded by other canopy beds. So I crawl to the center canopy bed where the Queen Sleep Nymph resides.

She’s looks like actress Gina Torres. I am aware of this, even in the dream, despite believing 100% that it’s not a dream.

I’m a dream nymph it turns out. It turns out not to be an imaginary creature, but more of a hobby club you belong to, like a secret society or a bridge club. I suspect that dream nymphs perform sandman-like duties, but I’m not sure.

Anyway, I know I had this dream at least twice, because that’s why I thought it was real. And I’m certain that the intricate journey from office study to Dream Nymph Queen was the same both times.